


Light

by budapestagain (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, bit of sabriel, chuck is amazing, gabriel fancies sammy, gabriel is alive, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 07:31:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7160144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/budapestagain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>destiel {light}</p><p>cas thinks that he's failed dean. again. but dean loves him too much</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light

**Author's Note:**

> the first part is set in season 1? maybe or season 2? early seasons

**LIGHT**

**DESTIEL**

_It was 2am and Sam and Dean had been driving for hours but neither of them were tired, the high from the hunt still pumping through their veins. It was one of those quiet nights where they both stared at the starry sky, feeling like the only two people left._

_“Dean,” Sam said, almost nervously, “if God was here, if he exists, what would you ask him?”_

_Dean took a second before answering. He knew his brother well enough to know that this wasn’t a spur of the moment get-to-know-your-brother type of question. He’d probably thought about how to bring it up for a while._

_“I’d ask him…why?” Dean said, hands tightening around the steering wheel. “Why us? Why our mom? Why our lives?”_

**_Ten Years Later_ **

 

God. In front of them, eyes clouded with regret. And all Dean could think of was that cold winter night when Sam had asked him what he’d ask God, if he was real. He’d said he’d ask ‘why’ but he wanted to ask another question. This was no longer about him. Family wasn’t just him and Sam, anymore, it was

“Cas,” Dean said, when he and Chuck were alone, when Sam and Cas had walked off somewhere, together, presumably for an emotional talk. “Is Cas-is he different?”

“Different, how?” Chuck frowned.

“He rebelled against Heaven, countless times. He chose free will and humans and me and Sam. Does that mean-”

“It means he’s in love.”

“In love with humanity, yeah, I’ve heard the same crap a million times.”

“No, Dean, no.” Chuck’s eyes had softened. “I mean that he’s in love with you.”

Dean hadn’t had time to respond as Sam and Cas walked back in the room, carrying a few beers, and normally he’d welcome the drink but he couldn’t…he couldn’t.

 

 

 _I’ll do better next time,_ Cas promised himself, _I’ll save Dean, always._

It had all started when he held Dean to his chest and pulled him up from Hell, feeling the tug at his heartstrings as the human – yet so impossibly beautiful – soul screamed, yelled out and clung to his celestial form. Cas had a small suspicion, in that moment, that their souls had intertwined, bonded, however briefly, and to be separated was to feel like they were dying. Taking Dean Winchester from the angel would only result in pain and heartbreak. He’d never assumed the same was true for Dean; that Dean would feel such pain when Cas was lost, so he’d consented to Lucifer’s deal, wanting only to help.

He was out now, his body and his mind his own. Dean hadn’t said anything about it to him yet. He’d flinched away from Cas’ touch, from Sam’s quiet words. He’d walked to his bedroom when they’d returned from the kitchen and Cas had followed him. When Dean didn’t tell him to leave, Cas sat beside him and they hadn’t moved for at least half an hour.

“Dean,” Cas said but that only provoked a sob from the hunter’s lip, suppressed but obvious. “Please, I need you to-” He hesitated. “I just need you. I’m sorry for failing you, for hurting you. If you want me to leave the bunker, I will do so, of course, but I just want you to know that I will always consider you and Sam my home, my family.”

Dean looked up, eyes wet with tears, and Cas was spurred on. “Screw the angels!” He announced and Dean laughed, more out of shock than anything. “You’re right. They _are_ dicks. I don’t need Heaven or wings or even my grace as long as I have you, Dean, and that is the truth.”

Dean started crying again, shoulders shaking, and Cas felt sick. The more chose Dean, the further he fell, from Heaven to Earth to Hell itself, making deals with Crowley to save Dean. It was dangerous and his soul was being corrupted but he didn’t care. He didn’t care because Dean was alive.

“All these weeks, I’ve been screaming inside Lucifer’s head, whenever I saw you. Then he started telling me that you…that I was nothing to you…and that made me lose my motivation to return home. To you.”

“Son of a bitch,” Dean broke his silence with a growl.

Cas’ heart sunk. “I’m sorry, Dean, I am so sorry. I need you so, so much but I understand if you don’t want to see me ever again. I just want you to know that-” Cas was seconds away from his great confession, the truth he’d omitted from every confession, every secret spilled to the Winchesters. For years, he’d been hiding his feelings, not wanting to scare Dean away.

“Castiel,” Dean said, slowly, and Cas looked up, surprised at the small smile on Dean’s lips. “Not seeing you would break my heart. I have _never_ thought of you as anything but important. Cas, you’re my _everything_. You’re my family, my best friend, my lifeline. You’re right. Screw the angels and screw God. My first real prayer was to you and you are the only one I will every pray to. Damn it, you have never failed me. Castiel Novak, Winchester, whatever you want to be called, you are my family and I love you.”

Cas smiled, he laughed, he wiped away his tears. He’d been worried for years, worrying about what Dean would say if he ever found out about the fact that Cas was completely and utterly in love with Dean Winchester. “Castiel Winchester sounds nice,” Cas whispered, his body betraying him as he started crying.

“Fuck, I didn’t mean to say that, I, uh,” Dean stammered adorably for a few seconds until Cas kissed him. It was everything he’d thought it’d be and better. Better because it was real and Dean was kissing him back. This was the reason he’d fallen from grace, turned his back on Heaven. All for one man. And by his Father, Dean was worth it.

Cas pulled away, unable to help his enormous smile, and Dean raised an eyebrow, cockiness returning. “I like it,” Cas said. “Castiel Winchester.”

Dean gave him a chaste kiss with a small hum of appreciation. Then he pulled away, biting his lip. “Do you think this was in God, uh, Chuck’s plan?” He asked. “Us?”

“I believe that our souls have been connected from the start. When I rescued you from Hell, I felt a strong signal coming from your soul. Your soul clung to mine, it fit like it was the part I never knew was missing.” Cas kissed Dean, slower but with no less passion than before. He couldn’t help himself. Nothing compared to this. Then he realised something, quickly standing up. Dean looked panicked until Cas smiled. “Come with me,” he said.

Dean grabbed his hand as Cas guided him through the bunker, finally stopping just outside the library. He looked at Dean, an unspoken question hovering between them, and Dean nodded, slightly. They both seemed to take a deep breath before stepping inside. Cas’ stomach flipped as Sam and Gabriel – his big brother, ever loyal, Gabriel – looked up at them. The pair had been reunited a few hours ago, immediately greeting each other with hugs because despite of their differing views, Cas and Gabriel were family.

Gabriel had been brought here by Chuck, whose strength was quickly fading. He’d used the last few reserves of his power to summon the archangel from whatever luxurious resort he’d been staying at.

Cas glanced at Dean and hated the fear in his eyes. He knew the fear came from John Winchester. Throughout Dean’s life, he’d been taught that liking boys was wrong. The thing was, even though religious people thought homosexuality was a sin, his Father had watched Balthazar experiment with Adam, laughing all the while at the absurdity of creation. His Father had been happy in the beginning.

But when Sam saw their joined hands, his eyes lit up, washing away any of Dean and Cas’ doubts. “Finally!” He exclaimed. “It took you two long enough!”

“Sam,” Cas said, “I wanted to ask your permission to-”

“Yes! Yes, anything!” Sam pulled Dean in for a huge hug, dragging Cas along. “Date him, kiss him, marry him, do whatever you want with him. Just make him happy.”

Gabriel stood up too and ruffled Cas’ hair. “Good on you, kiddo,” he muttered. “Y’know, there was a prophecy about you two.” Prophecies, in Cas’ experience, were bad, causing chaos as fate couldn’t be changed lightly. “The angel, Castiel, who loved humanity, will fall in love with the righteous mans from the depths of hell-fire to the brightest rays of day. Loads of other poetic crap.” Gabriel smirked. “You know Dad, he’s a drama queen.”

Cas kissed Dean again, to steady himself and stop all the thoughts ricocheting around his mind. He could go on a date with Dean. He could spend all day in bed with him, watching Netflix. He could kiss him whenever he wanted. As long as the world didn’t end.

“So, if we’re talking about permission,” Gabriel said, suddenly, “Dean, do I have permission to ask-”

“Touch Sam and you’re dead, bitch,” Dean replied and grabbed Cas by the lapels of his trench coat to carry on kissing him.

**Author's Note:**

> leave requests in the comments!
> 
> xxx


End file.
